We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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