I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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