i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
