wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This house was built for laser tag.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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