i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
