Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I currently don't understand fingers.
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