I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
