well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
