ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize