I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
