Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
