Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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