Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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