Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
