You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
