i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
