Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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