he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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