morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
