well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
