I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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