btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
