mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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