Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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