i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
