Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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