I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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