I'm going to jail i love you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
