I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
