Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
