I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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