I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
