We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
