i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
