Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
