My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
