my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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