so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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