Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
