is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
