Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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