I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
