Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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