Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
