i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
