Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
