reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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