Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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