I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
