he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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