i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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