dude i'm inner monologue high
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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