What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have fence marks all over my body
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
