Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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