her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
