We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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