the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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