He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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