I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
