I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
