He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
