It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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