lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
