A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize