make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
