Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
