I think i peed on brittanys purse
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
