My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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