Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
