I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
