Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
