i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
