also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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